Wednesday, January 30, 2008

25 cent friends & What are you thinking?

so last night I was out and about cause, shit I get paid to to that. Thats How I roll, Kid. Anyway, I ran into one of my 25 cent friends, what are 25 cent friends? The people who are always happy to see me when I'm doin the camel thing, the people who are all buddy buddy with me till they get their smokes, then they say and I love this one "well I see that your working I won't bother you any more" well duh of course not, you got what you wanted. It's like the guy who shows a girl the door after he got his nut off. I was told something last night that made me laugh, and realize man some people are sad. I went into one of the bars and the Manager said "good thing you made it, that guy was getting pissed that you had not yet made it over here yet." A grown man was waiting for me, even after I saw him on the street and said "I may not work tonight"

I digress, so 25 cent friend (yes back to that) was all "we never hang out we totally should...we should gotot the movies!" I was like o.k. call me whenever...she then says yeah maybe we can go see 'Meet the spartains'. I wish at this moment that I could freeze time and go back. Go back and tell her shhhhh, don't say another word, your a pretty girl, who sometimes grates my soul...but don't say let's see 'meet the spartains' to me. you may as well say please jump my ignorant bones. Look I'm not all film snob or what not. But one night I was in Pop Merrigans and a hispanic and his black pal saw the commercial came on and the Hispanic fella was like "Yo! that movie looks mad good" I wanted to hop off my bar stool shoot them in the face and leave a copy of 'airplane' on their dead body's. NO I DO NOT WANT TO SEE MEET THE SPARTA INS! It looks like if a steamy pile of elephant shit. My answer was "there are 9 movies I want to see right now and 'meet the Spartans is not even in the top 750. Fuck that movie...and the fact that it made box office gold..ugh. I'm gonna go now maybe Grandma's boy is on that movies fuckin funny. No really it is.

Monday, January 28, 2008

The System is down..

MotherFuck! Man you know what sucks? not having Internet access all fuckin weekend. AArrrggg! Really, it's like out internets don't like me nor my Roommate. Friday around 4ish the internet went down. It stayed down all weekend. I could not check my e-mail, my Myspace, You Tube, Ain't it cool news, porn, nothing! I came to work early just so I could use the got damn internets! Talk about eating a bag of cunts, geez. well aside from that I am officially Broke. zero dollars. I have the rent money but I can't touch that and I have to make it the whole week with nada, gonna be real Fun. aright I'm done bitchin, let me run laters...

Friday, January 25, 2008


do you have to disrespect the bartender?

what the fuck do you mean you don't watch have to have at least one dead hooker in your basement.

do you have to tell a shitty rehashed joke and then say that's a joke?


Thursday, January 24, 2008

drunk...aka it's my blog and I'll say what I want too..

cunt it was cold these past few days!
see what I did went with cunt over fuck.
Fuck is getting to strong...Give Cunt a chance at being THE dirty word.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The cherry coke strikes back..

So after I post this Blog, and rip "cherry" to shreds at baby hole tonight...which I got big laughs from...she Texts me tonight saying..."beef curtains? I didn't say anything harsh about you in my blog. that was just mean." I responded so I guess you waited to read about you. "do you think I'm stalking your blog" (paraphrase on that one) Umm yeah bitch..I finished this blog today...granted it says the 17th I have a live and I started the draft on the 17th. so she Post's my blog on hers (god this sound so retarted) and then add these tasty tid-bits...

I'll admit...
some of the things happened the way he says....but some did not.either way....i LOLed at work when i read it.ha...i still am giggling.. a little.(ps, before i get a thousand questions as to where this 5 shots for $5 bar's actually 5 shots for $10 and it's called the continental in the LES.)
Posted by vagabond
what the yeti has to say about me....
this is the yeti's blog.haha....he sounds a little angry at me.but wait!no.. no...i don't actually feel bad.

BTW I spell checked it for you bitch!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Warning:The last posted blog is highly personal.

If you have a problem go read something else but in loo of something else I give you a small list of words I like:
Dilute-ahh just say it. feel how it makes your lips happy.
Pheromone-it's fun
misconstrued-it sounds complicated
necrotic-sound like Zombies with a neurosis
Neurosis-it's silly
copulate-fuckin fun
that's it. What? I said a short list...

Thursday, January 17, 2008

You are an open can of Cherry Coke in the middle of the street on a hot summers day.

When did girls go from a little crazy to Bat shit fuckin insane? when did this happen, and why did I not get the Memo. Now you see my Friends this is a cautionary tale from me to all of you. Right before the new year, I did what some guys may do when finds himself newly single and was looking for a good time. I went to Craigslist, I mean you can get anything from CL from a couch that looks like a vagina to baby clothes, oh and the have singles ads. So one night I'm looking around and I find something right down my alley. "friend (most importantly) with benefits (added bonus) - 31‏." well shit who does not want a fuckin friend with benefits..pardon the pun. So I respond she was looking for a dorky, bearded, sarcastic/funny guy who like to drink and like to go to a live show. I said "face it tiger you hit the jackpot". I contacted her we talked for a bit and this girl was really chomping at the bit to meet up and hang out.

So I head into Brooklyn to meet up with her to drop off guitar hero (I brought the game so we could play.) and the plan was to hit the city so she could get something for an earring on St. Marks Place, and the we would get some drinks. when I got there she meet up with me and she was already tipsy from downing a few Tequila's and 7-up, whatever. we hit the subway, and ya know what she was really nice. We get to St.Marks do what she has to do then we hit up the grass roots tavern and start with the drinking. I was my bad to be drinking on an empty stomach but whatever. after a few Pints we start walking back to the subway so we can go back to her place. the whole time we are holding hands and kissing it was nice. But while at Grass roots she laid some bombs on me man, really took me for a loop. The Kind of things I would not tell a person I just really met. Like she has an 11 year old Daughter, but her daughter thinks she is her sister and her grandmother is her mother, and they plan on telling the kid the truth when she get older. That kids not gonna freak out or nothing when this a-bomb lands in her lap....that's kinda fucked, am I wrong here? oh yeah and she also told me she is slightly Bi-polar...But really everyone has something I have Rage Issues ( I mean I am writing this but don't judge me yet good people this bitch has this and everything else that will come to her.)

she could have told me she was Dr. Doom she had a nice rack and kissed pretty well, and I knew I was gonna get some. Back to the tale, we walk toward the subway when we see a bar that runs a 5 shots $5 dollars..anything you want...fuck lets go there. Mistake. After the few pints and the empty gut throwing down 3 shots of jeger one after another is not so smart. On the subway is where it fuckin hit me all at once I was now loaded.
we get back to her place have a smoke play the game a little but there was something I wanted to play with more then a toy guitar. we go in to her bedroom she puts on Guns and roses appetite for destruction and we start.

You May want to Jump ahead....past the italics. she looked good naked but she had some serious meat curtains...she was not lying about that kid. This was roast beef sandwich territory...this is something I've never seen in real life. all the girls I have been with had how do I put this, more like a nice hamburger not a sloppy Joe. anyway she was also a squirter which is something I have only seen on the interwebs, so this was new and fun. (think chicken broth..kinda salty.) Now this is the part of I'm not too proud of Given the booze I had a problem with my wedding tackle...I had jager dick folks, hey it happens. anyway we go to sleep next morning i am unceremoniously asked to leave..that's fine whatever.

O.k. no more gory details, go home get some sleep. and then wake up to see that she is no longer on my myspace. She unfriended me...who does that? No phone call no return text. All I can think was maybe I did something stupid while sleeping, I don't know. New years comes and goes and 2 to 3 days later I get a text that says I'm sorry don't hate me, I was confused. so I call her up and I'm like what the fuck. Her answer and remember this good people...During that night somewhere I think I started to catch feeling for you, and it scarred me away. O.K. but be more mature about it. Not I think I like him lets disappear.

So I decide to make her come into jersey and give it another chance. I had a party to go to with all my oldest and dearest friends down in wood bridge lets give her something interesting to do. The plan was go to party. take her home and sleep over. we get to the party we have some drinks eat some amazing food. have some laughs. we stole kisses in the basement and in the rain (gay).
she seemed to talk a little with everyone good times.

On the way back to Brooklyn she pops this on me. Have you ever been in a 3-some? Hello! I tell her no, which she follows with this....ready sitting down. Oh they are fun, we should have you think your friend Dan would like to join us in bed? Maybe I'm old fashioned but you do not ask a guy can we fuck your Friend! you don't. Do you folks? I really wanted to leave her at the rest area on the turnpike...but I don't cause I'm mature (not really) but I'm not a total asshole!
at this point she is all hands with me in the car but I was super pissed off. I drop her off in Brooklyn and head home. The whole ride home all I could think was, what kinda back alley Gutter whore did I pick up here? I just trusted you to come to my friends house, It's like Frank Sinatra said you"you're on this date with me..." and you want to be a total cum dumpster. ahh nah nah! I more or less told her the next night to fuck off. I can't be friends with a girl with no self worth...some things are not spoken. Oh and please don't give me that post feminist bullshit, she is a woman and she is exploring her she wanted to be filled out like a fuckin job application.

On the following Monday she text's me saying she plans on friending Dan Via Myspace...and that when it hits me. Holy shit, I know what Dan's gonna do...reject her because Dan is a gentleman. I have a heated conversation with her and after a bit we end it. After a few days I engage in texting with her, why cause my dick demanded it that why, people I am a weak man. I made peace with the whole thing in my head it was all good. We start texting and all is good, she sent me one text that burned into my brain like a cow brand, it had to do with her getting batteries for a device, her ass, her self fucking said ass and also giving herself finger pleasure...oh and she hoped I was sleeping well..that's always nice. So I text her later in the day seeing if she was free cause dick demanded it. she said she wants to keep her distance, she does not think she will ever hang out with me. I tell her to fuck off. I said some mean shit to her as we wrote to each other in the wee hours of that Thursday morning. then over at her Blog site she puts up blog called pussy all about me. The thing that hurt me most folks, is that in that she has the balls to call me...a mediocre dude. what a Super Cunty Twat..really! anyway, cherry I will use you in my comedy. cause like I said, you are like an open can of cherry coke sitting in the middle of the sidewalk of New york City on a hot summer day, you know you should not drink it, yet I was somehow compelled to. Fuck you.

Sunday, January 13, 2008


Yesterday January 12th 2008, I took part in Improve everywhere No Pants Subway ride 2008. I had the best time, total Highlight for this year so far, and it will most likely be in my mind for years to come. 3:00 I arrived at Foley Park near city hall in NYC. I went alone cause everyone either had something going on or they are just Lame. After some time they separated us in to thirds, and then further split us up based on what the last digit in our phone number is. I was with the ZERO's riding the red line up to Times square..where my zero's at?

we then proceeded to walk to the subway this point people on the street began to ask what we were marching for. we got on the train and this is where the fun started.

The Way it works for those who don't know is like this. you are told to get into a certain subway car. you are to act like everything is normal. then right before the first stop 2 people quietly take their pants off. then they get off that stop and wait for the next train. 2, 4, 6, on till we all got to the end of the line which for us was time square.

This is where the fun started. Picture if you will about 300 people walking around the times square terminal with no pants on, like it was a normal thing..oh don't forget it's January. it was a sight man. The Highlight of this part of the day was as we walk a guy, not with our group decided he wanted to join the fun and he took his pants off right then and there. (I did hit one snag on the train ride back I happened to remove my eyes from my copy of Watchmen and there was a delightful young lady with no pants..but she had stockings and garters it was a little bit sexy, I had to really pay attention to what Dr. Manhattan was saying other wise I may have has a pant problem, and it would have been a big problem since I was sans Pants.) we then got on the N train down to Hamilton Square park where the most fun was had.

when people have no pants on they are all so very nice. we chanted "down with Pants." I got complimented on my style of Boxers..."dude that's awesome I was hoping to see one person with heart boxers on." we even brought a little church up in that piece! we had an old school revival converting people to the pant-less. I jumped into a circle did my best southern Healer voice and help some young Punk rock girl to "be free! be free of your pants and the lord will love you forever." when she did that's when I knew all was right in the world!

A few of us decided to run around the Park, then we went shopping in the Virgin mega store..pant less. we went to Staples after but they did not want us there we died try to buy pants..but ya know what Staples does not sell Pants. at this point I bid my pant less compatriots a hearty goodbye, and proceeded to walk a block before I put my pants back on.

I have to make some shout out to some people who stick out in my mind.. my first pant pal, forgot your name you hail from Michigan and you wore 2 pairs of undies to be sure, you where awesome thanks for the photo op. Bike guy, huge thanks he hooked me up when my metro card had insufficient funds..your the best. Mike Weiss, yes Watchmen rocks. and the virgin/staples crew you guys are all so nice and amazing..if ya want to find me I can be found on

Friday, January 11, 2008

Truckers say the best things!

So I came home today from work, and as I park my car, there is a Blue moon Beer delivery truck sitting on the corner or my Block. The delivery guy is coming up from the basement of Abby's...yet the Truck Driver who is in the truck is beeping the fuckin loud ass truck horn. There is no reason for him to do this. So Delivery guy runs over to the truck and screams at the driver "what the fuck is wrong with you!" Driver says something that I can't hear, but the responds was so great it made my day. Delivery guy Yells really loudly..."Sexy girls..they are just kids." I then look over and see a few girls who can't be older than say 14 standing on the opposite corner. Fucking Pervert Truck Driver.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Lets commence

2008-it really is a new start for me. I have a new place in downtown, I'm single, and I found a new pair of pants to wear till they get all messed up from me walking around in them for like a week at a time. Oh yeah and I have this here new blog...oh may I'm now a fancy lad with this here blog. You may say hey RS3 why did you call it shits and giggles? the answer is simple life is filled with either Shit or Giggles. Sometimes you have a fun night and yet really did not do anything..but it was experienced shits and giggles. Some days life throws a diper at you and you step in a puddle, or the condom breaks..thats just shits! some days you wake up and and there are birds chirping and you find $20 in an old hoodie..thats all I hope that answers your question. So my personal goal for this Blog is to talk about whats going on in my life this year. GAY. Yeah thats what I'm gonna do. I drink a lot and I forget stuff so maybe this will help me remember some things. Peoples names may be changed to protect the innocent, I don't want to be accused for know how it goes you go home with some Nice drunk lady, and then you post it, then she reads it and is like...I did not go home with you, then you realize she did not. Fuckin' your pillow while drinks is a sad state to be in.
O.k. lets get this started
Started 2008 at Skinners Loft with Ryan serving the drinks, Rollie was keeping Andy on a tight leash. Sara came by as did Kathrine and her roommate Katie...ahh and we drank and drank and then decided it was time to move down to 58 Cole's to drink and dance. I saw a lot of the usual suspects down there, but we did not stay to long was way too packed so we bounced to the Rollie and Ryan Compound for more adult beverages and silliness.
around 3ish I would say (things got really Fuzzy at this point) Mikey O. shows up. I punch him in the neck and he proceeds to drag me all the way down to the Flamingo Diner to have some eggs and sausage. we take a cab back to my old place in the heights.
Next's moving day. Flip shows up, we pack my shit and I move into the new place...and that's how the new year started. oh well I think that's good for a first post. more shit to come later.