You want personal, here goes. For the past few weeks I have been sitting in my own cold bath of depression. I am broke. Broke by both mistakes, and booze, emotionally and financially. Today was kind of a topper to these past few days. I have a great support system in my family and friends, and to them, I thank you all. Today or rather tonight as I sat in my room all ready to be a mopey fuck I had a really warm thought that turned my cold piss and vinegar blood, it to something warm and fuzzy.
Tonight I was down and drained, I planned on going home after work to listen to metallica and Stu. As I departed a cranky Ryborg, he said one thing to me, "don't go home and listen to metallica go home and listen to anthrax." So I got home, opened up my brownie that Dancing Tony gave me and put on Anthrax's persistence of time...Anthrax, anthrax has had art commissioned by Alex Ross, Alex Ross did Marvels. Yeah I was going to read "Marvels" recapture my youth, think of "the one" who gave me the hard cover edition I was holding in my hands, and hide in thoughts of my youth.
While I did this, I thought how my day kinda sucked. went to work to pack up a bag like it was my first day, gone are the days of going into the office and spending the day, collecting hours. Then I went home and called "A" to maybe have a dirty conversation. "A" had taken enough of my shit, and read this here blog, and was waiting to strike. You see I have been a dick to "A". All she wanted was to feel good, she wanted me to make her feel good, and no get your mind out of the gutters. But I'm not ready to make anyone feel "good". Anyway, I was stupid and forgot something she planned, and instead I did something else, with someone else, then played sick, then blogged about what I did that day. I lied to her face, yet told the truth here.
She was pissed, I'm sorry. She called me "puke". at the time I thought it was funny, but I thought about it and it stung. day goes on. Later in the night I went to the Babyhole to do my stand-up. Some shitty band played, but I guess they have something cause all the kids came out to watch them stink even "rich girl" (rich girl is a tiny girl who hangs out in the D.T., has an amazing apartment and from what I "hear" lives off mommy and daddy) who even though she broke her foot, still made it out. Now was time for the stand up part of the night. The crowd was a bit intoxicated do to the fact that "the Suck band" did not get on stage till 9:40, and stopped sucking after what seemed like forever for me. Enough to make almost everyone Buzzed or drunk or other wise.
I watched the first two guys suffer a hard crowd. then it was me. Tough crowd, but I can handle it. At some point during my set "rich Girl" took the time to stand up, with her broken foot...look me right in my eyes and said "you suck!" I suck. she came out to see "the suck band" but in her mind I "sucked". It hurt, I made a joke, sort of at her expense. people laughed. I then took my leave of the babyhole and went out to do the job, I was hanging out with "O" he has a lot on his mind, He had made a pretty big mistake in his life recently, but that's his bed to sleep in. I tried to help him out, but all I kept seeing in my minds eye was "my mistakes" "the One" and "you suck". Something inside me told me I should not get that messed up. One more beer pay the lady and go home. I was at the Lamppost with Ryan, his Lady friend, and O.
As Ryborg, his Lady friend, and I walked back to the corner, he was all cranky and being the drama king he can be. I had enough I said "Fuck you dude you had a bad day, so did I, and you know what, you are going home with a pretty girl." then it him me I was with a pretty girl also today. Her name is Rose and I have first saw her when I went to the apartment to get my Keys, for the first time. she was on the arm of my roommate.
Rose is an older lady, and as I emerged from my apartment with the sun high in the sky, I saw her walking down the street. She had some bags so I asked her if I could help her, she said "sure and thank you" I took her bag of garbage and she took my arm and we started to walk. She asked where I lived, I told her right here. She then asked if I was Married, "NO" was my reply, she in turn said "I lost my husband , he was 58 years old, Massive heart attack." She continued as we slowly walked up the street. Rose uses a cane to walk "Not at home or in the Office, just on this hard concrete." She also said that she stepped on a nail earlier (in the day, in life?) She went on about her husbands death. "it was supposed to be something small but when the doctors where taking care of him he had the heart attack, and passed." It was three days before her birthday, and she had been in a mass for her parents, who had passed away. Now that's a bad day. as we walked we talked a little about me and my job. I told her "I work at night" she asked even Friday nights. I said "sometimes."
we got to her door and she said "oh no Fridays, are when I watch 'wrasslin'" This Girl loves her 'wrasslin' (no I'm not making fun of her in anyway, that is how she said it.) She told me how her "girlfriend dates a guy who knows Baptista" and How her friend got word to Baptista (a wrestler for the WWE) that her girlfriend meaning Rose, was a huge fan. Her face was completely glowing, as she said "He said that next time they are going to come to town he is gonna come get me, In his car."
She turned to me and asked "what was your name?" I told her my name and she mistakes it for Rob, I corrected her with a smile in my voice. She then responded "I'm Rose, nice to meet you, I will see you soon, I work in the office over here on Saturday stop by" I said "will do, Rose" she turned to her door and was about to walk in when she turned to say to me "your such a nice boy"
So as I sat there last night typing those last words tears running down my face, not tears of sorrow but of hope for my own self. My computer crashed. I guess I need one more thing to go wrong. Most of this was lost but as I drifted to sleep, I chanted remember the words, remember what you typed. I think I did. No matter how much people can be mean to you, sometimes all it takes is one person who had lived a long and full life, filled with some awful days but they can always look to the good. All you need is someone like that to say your nice, and you have nothing to worry about. so next time your having a bad day think about something nice someone said about you, cause some days that's all that matters. Karma does work.